Deep-Fried Water: The Blandest Bite in Culinary History!

Written By David McLemore

The world of culinary innovation has been taken aback by a feat many may have previously deemed impossible. Enter the unexpected pioneer, an American chef known as Jonathan Marcus, who embarked on a gastronomic adventure that sounds as improbable as it does intriguing. He decided to challenge the laws of culinary physics by doing what no one else had dared to do—deep fry H2O. Yes, you read that right. Marcus has crafted a way to bring the crispiness of a deep-fried treat to the most essential element of life, water.

The burning questions, naturally, are—what does deep-fried water even taste like? And why, in all of the wide and varied culinary universe, would anyone consider frying water in the first place? While the concept may initially sound nonsensical, it’s worth noting that Marcus’s creation is more than a whimsical fancy. It is a statement of culinary creativity and a testament to the limitless boundaries of what can be achieved in a kitchen.

Exploring additional delights of the deep-fried universe

For those who have ventured into the calorically unapologetic world of a U.S. state fair, the concept of deep frying is not just familiar; it’s celebrated. These epicurean carnivals serve as the breeding ground for some of the most indulgent and wonderfully excessive snacks known to humanity. A slice of quintessential Americana, these fairs foster an infectious fascination with all things deep-fried, transforming the mundane into the magnificent.

Take, for instance, the unusual but undeniably irresistible delicacy of Deep-Fried Butter. This audacious creation begins with a simple stick of frozen garlic butter, innocently awaiting its destiny. This unassuming dairy product is then swaddled in a protective layer of batter before it is abruptly submerged in a boiling vat of oil. What emerges is a delectable marvel of culinary alchemy, a molten heart of garlic butter encased within a crusty shell, creating a greasy and irresistible form of garlic bread. All of this is conveniently impaled on a stick for your immediate, on-the-go indulgence.

And then there’s the gastronomical feat that secured its place as a finalist in the Big Tex Choice Awards, a culinary competition held during the State Fair of Texas, named after the towering 55-foot cowboy mascot that watches over the fairground. Picture the Southern Fried Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo Ball – a mouthful in name as it is in taste. This decadent dish encapsulates the spirit of the state fair – it’s exactly what it sounds like, a perfect fusion of Southern comfort food and Italian decadence, all deep-fried into a compact sphere of deliciousness.

Yet, even amidst this parade of fried indulgences, one question remains – why on earth would anyone go as far as to fry water? Is it a quest for the ultimate culinary frontier or an audacious flaunting of the laws of physics? Or perhaps, is it a testament to our insatiable desire to stretch the bounds of what’s possible in the realm of food? Regardless of the reason, it is clear that when it comes to deep-frying, the only limit is the reach of our imagination.

Why did Jonathan Marcus deep-fry water?

An unexpected pioneer in the gastronomic world of deep frying, Jonathan Marcus, a culinary chef with a knack for whimsical experimentation, defied convention by doing what no one thought was possible: frying water. What motivated him to take on such an audacious culinary feat? The inspiration was not drawn from the kitchen but from a curiously-named event held in San Francisco known as the “Stupid Shit No One Needs and Terrible Ideas Hackathon.”

Rather than creating a culinary revolution, Marcus set out to push the boundaries of absurdity. Unveiling his seemingly impossible creation at this tongue-in-cheek event, his objective was not to craft the next taste sensation but to challenge conventional thought and possibly provoke a few laughs along the way.

“I don’t see deep-fried water catching on,” Marcus conceded with blunt humor, candidly offering his taste analysis: “That is the blandest deep-fried thing I’ve ever tasted.” The dish, it seems, was not designed with culinary excellence in mind, but rather the unique bragging rights of having achieved what seemed unachievable.

Importantly, Marcus follows his tongue-in-cheek stunt with a cautionary note. In true mad scientist fashion, he warns against others attempting to replicate his deep-fried water experiment at home. While the result may be an unusually bland taste, the process carries an unexpected risk. In a somewhat ironic twist, the chef warns that the adventurous home cook may end up deep frying themselves, rather than the water. As with all great feats of daring, Marcus’ culinary experiment carries a poignant reminder: just because something can be done, doesn’t necessarily mean it should be.

How to deep-fry water: But don’t try this at home

We acknowledge that by explaining how to deep fry water, we risk presenting an alluring, metaphorical red button with the warning “Do Not Press” emblazoned on it. We are unequivocal in our appeal to you, our readers, to not attempt to replicate this controversial culinary venture in your own kitchens.

Deep frying water is made possible by employing a scientific culinary technique known as spherification. This innovative procedure is more frequently, and safely, applied to the creation of striking cocktail spheres—perfectly round drink globules designed for popping into your mouth with theatrical flair. (We must note, however, after a few drinks, these can often end up decorating your ceiling).

The process of spherification requires a chemical compound called calcium alginate. This substance allows you to create a delicate, thin bubble membrane capable of encapsulating water, enabling one to toss this liquid sphere to an unsuspecting friend for a startling surprise.

But Jonathan Marcus did not stop at simply creating a water sphere. He ventured further, rolling this delicate bubble in flour, egg, and panko breadcrumbs, and then boldly submerging it in a deep fryer heated to a scorching 375ºF.

While Marcus claimed the dubious honor of creating the most flavorless fried food known to man, his achievement came with a stern warning. If the spherical bubble containing the water ruptures within the hot oil, the result would be a dangerous explosion, potentially causing severe burns.

Therefore, we urge you again, to refrain from attempting to recreate this dish in the safety of your own home. Should you choose to ignore this advice, however, please do us the courtesy of not borrowing your neighbor’s fryer for this volatile venture. It’s only fair—they haven’t signed up for your daring culinary experiments.